TransParentDay.org

The First Sunday In November

 

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Welcome To TransParentDay.org

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Greetings and welcome to TransParentDay.org. TransParentDay is the first Sunday in November.
In 2013 that is Sunday November 3rd.

Wristbands

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Show your colors and your pride in being a Transgender parent. Or show pride in your Transgender parent.
Find out how to get your own Pink/White/Blue wristband.

First TransParentDay

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Our third TransParentDay 2011 was a huge success! Trans Parents everywhere celebrated. Send us your stories about your celebration. We want to know!

Become A Member

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Join Us. No catches, no spam, just info. Keep up with developments in the growing community of TransParents. Numbers matter, be counted...

What is TransParentDay?

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TransParentDay is a day to celebrate being a parent without concern of the stereotypes of gender. So whether you are MtF for FtM this is a day for you the parent to be celebrated with your children.

Proclaimed in Baltimore in 2011

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In 2011 Baltimore Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake declared by proclamaiton that the first Sunday in November is TransParent Day in Baltimore.

<< >> Play > Stop

TransParent Day Pot Luck Gathering in Baltimore PDF Print E-mail
Written by Administrator   
Friday, 01 November 2013 00:00

 

Sunday, November 3rd, 2013, 2-5pm


Come join us in celebrating TransParent Day in Baltimore.

TransParent Day is a day for Trans parents or parents of Trans kids can share in the love between them. The event is open to Trans folk, parents, kids, families, allies and supporters.

This will be a pot luck gathering so bring a dish to share. We will have cups, plates and napkins and soda and water for everybody.

 

GLCCB -- 241 W Chase St, Baltimore, Maryland 21201

 

Last Updated ( Friday, 01 November 2013 14:45 )
 
She'll Always Be My Daddy!! PDF Print E-mail
Written by Administrator   
Monday, 08 November 2010 12:37

Awww, I love this idea of a TransParent Day!!!

Especially because I'm so incredibly proud of my TransParent, Dainna Cicotello!! She has given so much of her heart and soul to the trans community during the past 25 years, yet is very humble about her work as a counselor, advocate, health advisor, mentor and owner of a business that almost exclusively sells to and benefits the trans community.

I love my makua Dainna so much and miss her awesome bear hugs now that I live in Hawaii. ("Makua" is the gender neutral Hawaiian word for "parent"!) She and my mom (my makua wahine!) remain legally married in a now same-sex marriage after 42 years, which just floors me. I can't wait for the day when all families are legally recognized.

Dainna transitioned more than 25 years ago. I struggled over the years because I often felt totally alone in my journey to accept my family. TransParents often come to me asking how they can help their own kids be as accepting of them as I am of Dainna. I tell them to focus on the needs of their children. Be there on holidays, birthdays, special days ... Really everyday ... As a parent first and foremost. During times when Dainna innundated me with material on her struggles, I shut down emotionally & mentally. As Dainna caught on to this, she quit trying to make me understand so much and focused on helping me to become a successful person by her parenting. Our lives are not always a bed of roses, but our family is fiercely intact. Make time to talk with your children about what's happening in their lives. Be invested in our success. Love us even when we accidently use the wrong name/pronoun. It may have taken you years to accept yourself for who you are, don't expect us to just be okay with your transition from the get go. Give us time to process and grieve. Even if we fight you along the way, come back to us with love and open arms. Doors will open.

Mahalo nui loa!! Malama pono e Aloha 'oe!

Laurie Cicotello
Hawai'i

 
Second TransParent Day PDF Print E-mail
Written by Sharon B.   
Monday, 01 November 2010 16:29


As we approach the second TransParent Day (Sunday, November 7, 2010) I put down some thoughts on the celebration and the impact so far and some feedback I have received since we launched TransParent Day in 2009.


The Genesis
In the summer of 2009 my good friend Erica Fields talked to me about a concern that her daughter had about celebrating "Father's Day" in 2009, a first for Erica and her daughter.  Her daughter indicated that it just did not feel right.  She proposed that they pick another Sunday in the year to celebrate their relationship.  I would be a day for them to recognize Erica's new status as a  "Trans Parent" and Erica and the family could celebrate. They would even call it "TransParent" Day.  They picked the first Sunday in November to observe the event as that had been a day of celebration in Erica's family due to the fact the she, and and other family members, had been adopted.

When Erica relayed this story to me I told her the idea was way to good to keep to herself.  I immediately registered TransParentDay.org and the two of us formed a mission to spread the word about TransParent Day throughout the world.  Our first stop was the Southern Comfort Conference in Atlanta, GA with a little more than a month away from the first TransParent Day in 2009.

We pounced on the conference with our pink, white and blue wristbands.  And spread the word virally about TransParent Day.  People got it instantly!

Several hundred wristbands later we had achieved our goal for those days.  Get the word out enough so that somebody else knew.  Donna Rose blogged about it, Chloe Prince promoted it, Ethan St. Pierre featured an interview with me on his show on TransParent Day 2009.  We had made an impression.

It has been a year since that time and a lot has come to pass, all good.

Transgender Mothers and Fathers
I have had a lot of questions posed over the last year with respect to TransParent Day.  Things like "Can a transwoman be a mother?" "Is a transman, who has birthed a child, a mother?" I would consider the answer to both questions is a qualified "yes." If we take the biological into the question, any human that gives live birth to another should be considered a "mother", kind of without question. But from there it gets cloudy. Adoption, marriage, divorce, surrogacy, foster parentship, and a whole host of other conditions make unusual mothering, and fathering, situations very possible, and even common. Add being trans to the question and it just adds an additional set of outcomes.

So who decides you are mom or dad or something else? My contention is "we", the transitioners, do not get to decide this. The kids do. Meaning, if they think you are mother, or father, or maddy or whatever, they get to decide if your gender has significance on a day of recognition. You do not get to pick. So if your kids think of you as mom, then you are. 'Nuff said.

What begs the question more is, if you are your children's biological father, can you also be their mother? For you I will offer the answer, I do not know. A lot of this depends on your situation, the relationship you have with your kids, and quite frankly the relationship you have with their mother, or the person they call "Mom", who was not you. To my knowledge, no transwoman has yet to give birth. The same is not true for some transmen. [Note to readers, if you are a transwoman who has given birth contact me immediately I want the rights to your story!]

For me the question is easy, I am not their mother. They have a mother, and it is not me, I did not do the nine months of heavy lifting required. My ex did. And as such, she owns Mother's Day, and should, and for me to try and horn in on it is not only rude, but disrespectful. My children have known me as Dad, and in many ways still do. And that, is ok with me.

And yet I see some biological father transwomen wanting recognition on Mother's day from their kids and others. Seriously? Talk about rewriting history. Talk about ego. I always joked when people showered compliments on the appearance of my newborn sons. I would tell them I was only present for the "initial input." At least from a biological perspective this was true. And so why would a transwoman demand equal billing with the mother of her children? And my personal take, I believe, is the real answer, because Father's day does not work for them anymore.

Some are not going to like that statement as they will claim it perpetuates the gender binary. Sorry. And although I cannot really see the perspective of transmen, who have kids, and Father's day, especially if there is another Dad in the picture I imagine that Mother's day holds similar angst.

Of course all of this pales by comparison to what your kids might actually think. Did you bother to ask them about it? I did. The reality is they, at least in my case, don't care. Yeah, that can hurt too. Mother's and Father's days are something you grow to appreciate as you get older. As you realize what your parents did, or did not, do for you. But we go through the motions with the kids too. The goal I suspect is to teach them that others make sacrifices for their benefit.  And for my money that is a good lesson for any person to learn regardless of lineage or gender.


TransParent Day
So that leaves us with this problem space. What to do? Nothing fits, or that which does seem to fit often feels awkward.

And so last year my friend Erica and I started TransParentDay and TransParentDay.org to try and fill that gap. And the reason was we wanted to do this is to create a safe place where we can forget about all of this conflicting gender and parenting stuff, if for only a day. The idea is pretty straight forward. If you are trans, in any variety, and you have kids, you can celebrate the day with your kids, without any of the traditional trappings, angst or pain.

We do not want this to detract from anybody that prefers to use Mother's or Father's day. Please, by all means, if that is what you normally do, then go right ahead, it is not a competition. Call it augmentation, or an alternative. And if you do celebrate then by all means let us know so we can share your experiences with others.

To date we have produced 3500 wristbands.  They have been distributed in places like Washington DC, Baltimore, Philadelphia, Boston, Chicago, New York, Atlanta, Portland OR, Seattle, Harrisburg, New Haven, St. Louis, Anchorage, Winnepeg and likely many other places I do not know about.  I know our reach has become global with folks in the UK and Germany sporting wristbands.  I am always thrilled when I see somebody I have never met posting a photo online and look, there is a wristband.

On TransParent Day 2010 I know of celebrations that will be held in Alaska, Oregon, Minnesota and here in my home state of Maryland.  I know many of these will involve TransParented families.  And it does my heart good to see that almost all of these efforts are going without my, or Erica's, direct involvement, meaning this idea belongs to everybody, I am merely a messenger, as are now all of you too.



Reflections On The Year
In June 2010 we made a second splash at the Be All Conference in Chicago, this time in coordination with the conference organizers.  Every attendee got a wristband.  In September Erica, and a cast of others, were doing the work in Atlanta again.   The word is out and grows.


I now find when I travel to a "trans" event, people are sporting the wristbands, even before I get there, and even though I do not know who they are, and they do not know me.  I often will ask what is it?  Just to see how clear the message has traveled.  I am never disappointed.


Upon meeting a person who asked me for a wristband she explained that she had given hers away.  I asked to whom, she stated she was at the National Cathedral in Washington DC and had given it to the Dean of the Cathedral.  I heard from transgender ministers, who wanted to celebrate the day in their church and would I send them wristbands.


I have heard from countless support groups, physicians and therapists (who keep them in their offices), friends of friends.  Never have I seen an idea spread in a community with such ease and lack of effort.


And mostly I hear about hope.  Hope that estranged families might be reconnected on this day.  That families with discord, are planning on putting it aside for a day to celebrate each other.  These are all good things.


TransParent Day has given me faith that the goodness in people transcends gender and stereotypes.  That folks do realize that there are many, many excellent transgender parents out there that love their children and that there are many children that hold that same love for their parents.  This is a very good thing.


Happy TransParent Day to you and your children.  May we all live in peace.


Sharon

 
Happy Second TransParent Day PDF Print E-mail
Written by Erica F.   
Sunday, 07 November 2010 13:47

 

As we celebrate our second TransParent Day it is good to look at the year gone by and see the amazing
things that happened. I have seen so many of you my friends continue onward in your transitions, many
with successful on the job experiences, many with successful surgical outcomes, and even though we
all are aware of the pain and suffering that many of us still go through to become our true selves, I see
progress. Even when I am talking to a friend who has had a difficult time with something because they
are transgender, there is strength in their voice and conviction in their goals. Their journey does not
waver; it only changes its path still moving forward towards becoming who they really are. I continue to
hear positive responses as I give bracelets to friends. I see glimmers of acceptance all around us.

On this second TransParent Day, I am posting a picture from the wedding of my daughter Cara, who
was the inspiration for this day. I was so incredibly proud of her that day.

Have a Happy Transparent Day!!

Erica Fields

 

Last Updated ( Sunday, 07 November 2010 14:39 )
 
Sharon on The Radio, Nov 1, 2010 PDF Print E-mail
Written by Administrator   
Monday, 01 November 2010 16:26

Sharon will be on the radio tonight talking about TransParentDay. 11PM EDT.
The station is in Houston, TX. I think there are links to listen live...

http://www.queervoices.org/

http://www.kpft.org/

 
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